May 18, 2011

Ground Kontrol vs. Avalon

Ann @ Ground Kontrol

T-Lo @ Avalon

2011 has been a firecracker of a year, folks.  To take upon the burden of explaining the travails of these times is a futile endeavor.  So many difficult questions:  What is the role of U.S Middle Eastern policy now that Bin Laden has been executed?  What is the true cost of the ongoing nuclear catastrophe of Fukushima?  Climate change:  Irreversible?  Politics: Irreconcilable?  Most importantly,  where can I go to avoid thinking about all these scary things?

Portland has two mind-numbing options to fulfill my craving for apathy.  The eclectic & future-chic Ground Kontrol and the seizure-inducing nickel arcade Avalon.  Both are nostalgic portals into the games of yesteryear; Ground Kontrol features just about any arcade game you've ever played EVER, whereas Avalon features games you may have once played at a deranged clown's estate sale or possibly a haunted carnival.  Hence, another impossible question emerges:  If Ground Kontrol and Avalon were to get into a fight, who would win?

Ground Kontrol  

Pros:  Classic selection, no cover, beer.

Cons:  They have shows, but they're either usually math rock, 8-bit disco, or nerdcore.  

Good place for a fellow to bring a date?  Sure, guy.  If she doesn't ditch you, you'll have found your nerd queen.    

Ground Kontrol is where hip nerds shove quarters into all their childhood faves while drinking beer and listening to DJs.  It is where Master Control Program parties.  In sheer variety and acclaim it decimates Avalon.  Although...

Avalon

Pros:  A dollars worth of nickels goes a long way, admission includes a movie, sky high WTF value.

Cons:  Brats, tweakers, seizures, and a terrifying animatronic lizard.   

Good place for a fellow to bring a date?  If by date, you mean ditch the baby mama and try to pick up high scool girls while the kids pump your hard earned nickels into some incomprehensible animatronic lizard.      

Avalon is a skeezy, yet loveable place, and it's cheap too; $2.50 gets you into a movie and a nickel gobbling bizarro world.  There is no better place to hide from the world.  Plus you can win giant inflatable hammers and those snap popper things!

And the winner is....

While Ground Kontrol is clearly the superior arcade, Avalon wins in a fight because it is blasted on 4Loco and has nothing to lose.  Plus it has that god damn lizard, which is totally unfuckable with.  


           

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